John Gottman is a psychologist who studies marriage. He wrote a book entitled:
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
Eric Barker reports (LINK) that Gottman’s research reveals that major differences of opinion don’t destroy marriages, it’s how a couple deals with them.
69% OF A COUPLE’S PROBLEMS ARE PERPETUAL. These problems don’t go away, yet many couples keep arguing about them year after year.
MOST MARITAL ARGUMENTS CANNOT BE RESOLVED. Couples spend year after year trying to change each other’s mind – but it can’t be done. This is because most of their disagreements are rooted in fundamental differences of lifestyle, personality, or values. By fighting over these differences, all they succeed in doing is wasting their time and harming their marriage.
How do good marriages deal with issues that can’t be resolved? They ACCEPT ONE ANOTHER AS-IS: These couples intuitively understand that PROBLEMS ARE INEVITABLY PART OF A RELATIONSHIP, much the way chronic physical ailments are inevitable as you get older. They are like a trick knee, a bad back, an irritable bowel, or tennis elbow.
Psychologist Dan Wile said it best in his book After the Honeymoon: “When choosing a long-term partner… you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unsolvable problems that you’ll be grappling with for the next ten, twenty or fifty years.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
Eric Barker reports (LINK) that Gottman’s research reveals that major differences of opinion don’t destroy marriages, it’s how a couple deals with them.
69% OF A COUPLE’S PROBLEMS ARE PERPETUAL. These problems don’t go away, yet many couples keep arguing about them year after year.
MOST MARITAL ARGUMENTS CANNOT BE RESOLVED. Couples spend year after year trying to change each other’s mind – but it can’t be done. This is because most of their disagreements are rooted in fundamental differences of lifestyle, personality, or values. By fighting over these differences, all they succeed in doing is wasting their time and harming their marriage.
How do good marriages deal with issues that can’t be resolved? They ACCEPT ONE ANOTHER AS-IS: These couples intuitively understand that PROBLEMS ARE INEVITABLY PART OF A RELATIONSHIP, much the way chronic physical ailments are inevitable as you get older. They are like a trick knee, a bad back, an irritable bowel, or tennis elbow.
Psychologist Dan Wile said it best in his book After the Honeymoon: “When choosing a long-term partner… you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unsolvable problems that you’ll be grappling with for the next ten, twenty or fifty years.